Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Can you feel the wind? No, but you know that it's there.

I've been reading a series of books lately written by Lynn Austin. And these books have made me realise so many things that as a Christian I already knew, but her perspective puts it in a whole new light. Just learning different ways to talk to people without comign across all "bible bashy" has helped me so much!

I might as well tell you that the books I am reading are called the "Gods and Kings Chronicles". There are 5 books in all and although I have only just started reading book number two, it has already enlightened my way of thinking to the next level!

That's all I basically wanted to share for now. I have had lots of things going through my mind lately but would like to wait a few more days before processing them all down in a huge post like I would normally do...

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Ouch, that hurts.

Lately I have figured out how much it really hurts when people stab you in the back. I have a friend, we get on okay. I don't whinge about him behind his back to other people ever! Occasionally I will tell my Mum and Dad how annoying he can get, otherwise that's it! I don't tell everyone how nasty he can be or how annoying he acts- 'cause it's just not right! Well lately this friend has been "b*tching" about me behind my very back- and it hurts! Look to be honest I don't care what he says, but it still kinda hurts, no one likes to be stabbed in the back. And if you do, you are a very sick person...

Seriously, every time I am stabbed in the back it reminds me of when Judas betrayed Jesus at the Gardens of Gethsemane. Jesus knew all along that Judas was going to betray Him sooner or later, but I am guessing that it still would have hurt when the time come. But the thing that grasps me is that Jesus forgave Judas- most likely before it even happened. God is merciful, very merciful. We sin every day, more times than I could even count yet He still forgives us and saves our spot in Eternal Heaven. We do not achieve Grace, we are not worthy of Grace, but we receive it nevertheless. Woah, what a powerful God.

It horrifies me when I think that if God did not send His only son to die on that cross for all of our sins, I might not be here today. Not so much that I might not be here, but that my family, my friends, myself...that we might never get to experience His love and Eternal Heaven. That freaks me out!

I guess I don't always come across as a passionate Christ Follower, because the truth is I'm actually quite lazy. I love just waking up, eating breakfast, showering, getting ready for work and off I go. It takes time, effort and 20minutes less sleep to wake up and go straight into my Bible reading. I have ambitions of doing all the right things and keeping a nice pink journal filled with Bible verses, tens of bookmarks in my Bible saving the place of my last read, and going to Church and being apart of something Christ centered...but it just doesn't happen. I try. I do read my Bible and I do pray. Actually I pray quite often and I worship the Lord all the time. Whenever I am washing the dishes or going for a run, I talk to Him. Whenever I am dealing with Cretan-type human beings, I thank Him for giving me the patience to converse with these people in a Christ-like manner and gaining their friendship. I listen to worship music a lot, and I might just sit there and sing the words and imagine what it's like to be with Him in Eternal Heaven (my favourite word or two for this post!), and pray to Him about how lucky I am to just be alive. Everyday I am faced with life threatening situations. Why yesterday, my dad and I almost got run over by a speeding truck. When I'm at the shops or catching a bus into the city etc...I am in a position to be kidnapped, gang raped or even murdered. I praise Him every day that He keeps my family safe. :-]

I think I jumped from one topic to another here, but it doesn't bother me. I have just posted what's on my mind and heart at the moment.

I have this verse that I look at everyday and it reads this:

"It is time to seek the LORD!"
Hosea 10:12

I love it because it is so straight to the point. We have to seek the Lord on everything that goes on in our lives, because if we don't seek Him we lose our way.

I'm glad I wrote all of this out in a long blog post. I have recently realized that if I write down all of my frazzled thought out on paper, or Notepad, it lines up my thoughts where I want them. It's sort of like a filing system. I type out everything mumbo jumbo and BAM! Everything somehow manages to fit into place. Now my head doesn't feel so frazzled and I can think clearly. Wow, what a complex infrastructure us humans are. :-]

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

One in a...hundred?

Wanting of affection, love and romance companionship. One of hundreds, I repeat hundreds of sentences describing me. Pretty sad, huh? I have a family perfect in my eyes, I am a junior sport star in my chosen field, I have a reliable- yet pathetic job and I enjoy my life...well at least 98% of it! A while ago I thought I was in love, or on the way to finding its wide open doors anyway. I prayed and prayed, and talked myself into it, all in God's name of course! The entire four months of knowing this guy I thought he was the one that God had set aside for me. Yeeah, I was wrong. Now we have parted ways and don't really hear from each other anymore. Still mates though, nothing more. But after feeling and sharing feelings with this guy for four lousy months, it makes me wanting more of that same feeling and even better. I know the mushy feelings and companionship will only get better once I have found the right person for me. The point I am trying to make is no matter how badly you want something and no matter how much you think it is right, doesn't always mean it is. You can pray and pray 'till you can't pray no more, but unless it is part of God's plan for you, it's not going to happen.

Last night was a turning point for me and I realized that I need to do something other that sports, working, and spending time with God to occupy my mind. See lately I have been so confused with everything that is going on in my life (eg: men) and I just feel so inadequate. I suppose all of this has sprung upon me after watching the movie 'Becoming Jane'. Here is Jane Austen, a beautiful and accomplished girl who falls deeply in love and because of her social status and life ambition she is not permitted to marry her love, Tom Lefroy. This greatly upset me because the more I think about it, it scares me! Sometimes I get so afraid that I wont find the right person for me...

Nothing in my life is certain, well besides God (my faith) and my family. We move around like nomads. Each move since I was about 12 I keep thinking that I have found "the one". Err, no. Now I am at the age where I am getting guys line up left, right and center all for me! but it just doesn't feel right. Sure, they are great guys. Decent, gentle, nice...but still worldly, still without Jesus. So to help me discern between the right guy and the wrong guy, I have set up a picture of someone who is more than just a decent and gentle guy...my pa. I am just so greatful to my parents who shared with me the virtues of life that I haven't let any of these boy woes get out of line and scar me for ever.